


I'm broken.

by orphan_account



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Blades, Crying, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-10-14 09:09:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17505722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Basically just a quick one shot of everyone's favorite green bean reaching his breaking point. I blame tumblr and my stupid self for this.





	I'm broken.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry

Introductions are always a good place to start. 

My name's Lloyd. Lloyd garmadon.

I'm the green ninja, the protector of Ninjago, and the chosen one.

I've been raised my entire life with people telling me what I can't and can't do.

I was raised as a weapon, If I'm being completely and brutally honest.

I threw away my childhood for my friends.

Friends?

No. They're not my friends. If they were, they'd see the pain and everything that I've gone through. 

My mom abandoned me. My dad was evil. I was kicked out on the streets and left to fend for myself.

When I caused a scene so I could get candy or SOMETHING to eat, I was hung from a post and ridiculed. I was 9. I couldn't get a job or pay for it on my own, so I did the only thing I could.

* * *

 

Anyway, enough of my early past. Let's get to where I am now.

My mind is a mess and I've lost control.

No, ignore that. I speak out of turn when I get upset, I'm sorry.

Anyway, let's talk about when I had to send my dad to the cursed realm.

When I sent him to a place worse than death. 

The Ninja didn't really care. 

They were just estatic that Zane was back. I shouldn't have expected differently. They knew Zane longer, anyway. I was just a homeless brat they took off the streets. And I know Kai still wanted to be the green ninja. I'm not blind, I've lived with this jealousy hanging over me for years.

Maybe I deserve all this.

So close to having a fucking breakdown.

No, deep breaths. I will finish this story if it ends me.

I banished my dad. The Ninja didn't seem upset. Misako and I had a statue commissioned so that dad would be remembered. He deserves it.

Now, let's skip on ahead to when I got possessed by a ghost.

Morro. The worst and best thing that ever happened to me.

Sure, he took over my body and forced me to do things. But he also taught me my greatest lesson: I'm a pawn. 

The first spinjitzu master fucked up my life from the beginning. He fucking died and left me to handle all of this. I hate him. Morro showed me how easily people take advantage of me. I need to thank him for that when I see him again. Soon, it will be soon.

Anyway, main point of this tale I'm telling you. 

I'm surrounded by people and I feel alone.

I'm tired of not being good enough, I'm tired of doing everything I can and not getting credit. I'm tired of failing and tired of my insicurities. Tired of being tired. 

Nobody knows the real Lloyd garmadon. Nobody knows the boy who cries in his closet in the late hours of the night. Nobody knows the boy who wishes with everything he has that he could go back and alter the past in SOME WAY so that he could change his situation.

Nobody knows how many times that boy has felt like he's going to snap but he's held it together for the team, because they need him. 

That's not true.

They don't need Lloyd garmadon. They don't even KNOW Lloyd garmadon. All they need is his power.

Nobody knows the pain that goes through his head as he relentlessly asks himself one question: what could he have done?

Nobody knows me.

I stopped being the naive and sweet boy a long time ago. So long, I can't even remember what it felt like.

I'm so broken I can feel it. 

I'm becoming everything I never wanted to be.

It sucks because I try SO HARD to keep going on, to keep hiding these feelings, but NOTHING I do seems good enough. 

One by one all my mistakes are showing themselves. With every one I see, I feel another piece of me break and fall. 

I'm shattered. I'm not the boy I used to be. He would be ashamed of the person I've become, but there's NOTHING I can do to change the past.

The only thing I have control of in my life is when I leave this realm. 

I'm sick and tired of living. The Ninja deserve someone better, someone who doesn't crush and hide away all their feelings. Someone who doesn't hate everything about themselves. Someone who hasn't caused wars and problems for Ninjago.

That's why I'm going. With every golden drop of blood that trickles down the glowing cuts on my arm, I feel myself one step closer to my freedom. My father is waiting for me. There will be no more trouble from me. Ninjago will be rid of Lloyd garmadom, once and for all.

I'm sick of saying sorry, so I'm saying goodbye. 


End file.
